Chapter XXI

June 28, 2009

The trek from Rochester to Tennessee turned out to be an ominous one from the start.

Severe thunderstorms blew up and everyone was cold, wet, and hungry. KO and Puffball were two of the most obnoxious socialists the Patriots had to transport. Crawfish thought that in many ways they were almost worse than Michael Moore.

Crawfish thought they should just shoot these losers. He had his orders from Justice Ann, but he was running very low on patience. Why cart these losers all the way back to Tennessee? He was missing his wife in Florida. She was consuming large amounts of romance novels. He worried she would start to take that rubbish too seriously.

The Poll Katz were tired and hungry. J-Dawg fell sick with what appeared to be influenza. The whole party of travelers was disgruntled in one way or another. Making the trip so far was slow and riddled with problems.

Sangrun was in charge of KO. As long as Sangrun was next to KO, he kept mostly quiet. There were occasional outbursts from KO. But, Sangrun just stared KO down without a word until he just shut up. Without an audience to respond KO was depleted of his own sense of arrogant power. Not that he ever really had any. His talk show that he used to have really had no audience to speak of other than a handful of loony leftists.

Paulie and xpressit were also tiring of Puffball who whined continually. They gave him a bag of his candy to appease him. He also couldn’t manage his horse. The horse bolted several times and Paulie and xpressit had to round the horse up. They would find Puffball hiding in the weeds eating his candy with his right eye twitching. To make matters more aggravating he would pick up ticks every time he was in the weeds. Xpressit got the nasty job of picking them off of Puffie's head as he cried like a baby. The mere thought of having ticks drove Puffball into an uncontrollable frenzy. Paulie cracked him with his whip after one of these hiding episodes telling him if he wasn't so stupid to sit down in weeds he wouldn't be picking up the nasty blood suckers.

On the third night, they were deep in the Ohio heartland with a straight shot to Tennessee. They found woods that they would camp in for the night. The men were hungry, so Sangrun and Paulie hunted for deer. Sangrun bagged one quickly having been an expert deer hunter all his life.

Puffball gagged and threw up over the gutting of the deer and swore he would have none of it. KO just stared with apprehension watching how deftly the Patriots skinned and carved up the deer meat. He had visions of being carved up like that himself. He shuddered at the thought. He took a quick look at Sangrun’s face trying to grasp onto to something, any kind of emotion that could foretell if this man was going to kill him as deftly as he used his butcher knife.

That night the men ate well. All they had since leaving Puffball’s house were cans of spam. Puffball had tons of the stuff at his house. No one wanted it, so it was easy to get. The Muslims wouldn’t touch the stuff so you could always count on it never being stolen from your food reserves. Only socialists stole the cans of Spam. Since they knew nothing about hunting, they were satisfied to have Spam, some kind of meat even if no one knew what it was. It was so typical of the socialists to accept things that were not explained as opposed to anything that could be explained. Spam certainly fell into that category.

That night, after gorging themselves on the deer meat, including Puffball, who had gotten over his nausea, the men bedded down and quickly went to sleep.

Sangrun and xpressit took the first watch. They were stationed up in some trees around the camp site. Both men were exhausted and staying awake was an excruciating task. Both longed for their smokes, but were disciplined enough to know lighting up would be a dangerous thing to do. It was good to know though that they could light up any other time they wished. The socialist nanny state could not dictate their stupid rules on anyone again. Suffering exhaustion, both men nodded off.

Sangrun awoke with a start. He heard the sound of disturbed birds. He tried to adjust his eyes to the sudden awakening and whistled for xpressit. The two men peered at the campsite and saw that a band of Muslims was raiding the site.

The men aimed their rifles firing at several jihadists who were off to the side of the main camping area. Both Muslims fell as the shots found their marks straight to their hearts and lungs. They shinnied down from the trees and ran to assist the other Patriots who were engaged in a skirmish with this renegade band of Muslims.

Just as a sword was drawn to Paulie’s throat, Sangrun shot the Muslim who fell onto Paulie. Paulie shoved him off, grabbed the sword and buried it into another jihadist who was about to decapitate J-Dawg who was too sick to fight. Crawfish and the Poll Katz quickly took down the remaining Muslims.

Meanwhile xpressit had gone over to see what the two Muslims he and Sangrun had shot first had been doing.

Xpressit shouted for the others to come over to the area. The Patriots rushed over to see what had happened. Both Puffie and KO were dead and their heads had been severed. The rest of their bodies lay bleeding out. The stench was horrible. Puffie’s bag of candy lay scattered all around the two socialists and their dismembered parts.

KO’s mouth was stuffed with two Zagnut bars and Puffball’s mouth clenched a bag of
sour gummy worms. It was a horrid and grisly sight. The Patriots could almost see Puffie’s right eye still twitching. KO’s glasses were broken in half and one half still lay over his left eye which appeared popped and twice the size of the right eye. It was plain to see that his last moment of life had not been pretty.

In a state of exhaustion, the Patriots stood staring at the slaughtered mess of the two socialists. Crawfish started gathering up the strewn candy bars, lobbing them to his fellow warriors. Everyone was enjoying the candy bars.

Xpressit pondered, “Do ya think Puffie tried to offer the Muslims candy? He was such a stooge.” Crawfish and Paulie shrugged.

“Well”, said Crawfish, “I guess things have been taken out of our hands. “After we get J-Dawg to a doctor, I’m heading back to Florida to see my wife.” Crawfish was secretly glad the Muslims had killed KO and Puffie. He was sick of them and he knew he would have shot them dead long before they reached Justice Ann.

J-Dawg, who was huddled in a blanket, gaped at the heads of KO and Puffie. He wondered who would tell Justice Ann what happened.

Paulie wondered if they should bury the dead bodies or leave them there for the vultures. Paulie thought about the time they had buried Moore and all the energy it took to dig the hole for that massive body. He hoped they wouldn’t bother to bury this mess.

Sangrun already had saddled up his horse and was ready to ride out. Crawfish lobbed a Reese’s Cup at him.  Sangrun stared down at the two dead liberals and said, “Bury them? Why bother? Islamofascists and socialists, they’re just trash. Screw em”. With that he turned his horse around and rode out.

…..to be continued…..