Chapter V
May 20, 2009
Some of the Last Patriots group in Virginia rode in last night to tell us of fighting that is going on in that state. Pappy Michael, a staunch red blood is holding the fort with many other freedom fighters. Many of the DC beltway socialists who escaped the dirty bomb fled into the interior and southern parts of Virginia.
More reinforcements from Pennsylvania led by Fletch and other nearby states are coming to aid the situation. So far we are told the freedom fighters are winning. First the socialists/liberals have very few guns. They lack food, water, and other necessities. Many told the freedom fighters that they never thought things would come to this horror, and they wanted to join forces with the freedom fighters. But, this was not allowed until they passed a test of sorts.
PappyMichael, the leader of the patriot group in Virginia devised a series of tests that the liberals had to go through before they could join the freedom fighters:
l. The socialist had to recite the pledge of allegiance to the flag.
2. The socialist had to say the Lord’s Prayer. If they didn’t know that one, they could choose one and say it.
3. The socialist had to swear that they would abide by God, the Constitution (as it was originally written), and apple pie.
4. The socialist would have to spend some time doing work that was necessary in the freedom fighters camps and would be rewarded on the amount of work they did.
5. The socialist had to practice target shooting with a gun to become proficient at killing other socialists who would not abide by the first 3 requirements.
I suppose it is not surprising that most of the socialists failed the first three requirements immediately. Those that did get past the first three refused to do any work.
And, those that did agree to finally do some work, balked at the fifth requirement stating that they believed that using a gun would certainly lead to a rise in crime.
It became obvious that for most of the socialists, they still could not learn. Therefore, most of them were blindfolded and shot. The dogs ate well.
Meanwhile, Fred Thompson, in Tennessee, is trying to form a new government and is holding conferences. So, we have a makeshift government underway. Thompson is in the process of recruiting loyal patriots into a makeshift cabinet. We were happy to hear of such good news.
Other news that brought joy to our ears was that Chuck Schumer was caught. He made his way from Kansas into the southeastern part of Indiana where many of us Last Patriots have hoarded and buried food, as we have done all over Indiana, Ohio, and Kentucky, to name a few of the freedom fighters’ strongholds. As the story goes, Schumer was so hungry he was found digging up catsup bottles and drinking them. The many dogs we have stationed in the areas of our buried supplies alerted our men to this invasion of our goods. As the gunners approached Schumer, he had catsup dripping down his quivering chin.
We were told, that on his knees, Schumer begged for his life saying that he had been only a tool used by Webb. Schumer said that back in his Senate days, Webb had kept a gun on him many times to vote for certain bills. The men told him to say his last prayer before dying. Schumer wanted to know if they realized there was a separation of church and state. Schumer persisted saying that if the men were going to perform a function of the state, no prayers should be allowed and before killing him, he wanted it brought before the Supreme Court. Everyone laughed like hell and shot him.
One of the men in the group had been a prisoner who Schumer had held hostage with a gun so he put him in the wood chipper. The men agreed and felt shredding Schumer was an appropriate punishment for his offenses against his shredding of the Constitution. The Schumer chips were thrown into the Ohio River.
Jane Fonda’s demise was a shocking tale also. She was hiding out in Michigan wearing a burka working among the radical Muslims. She had told the radicals she would do anything to help them defeat the great Satan as she had done for North Vietnam.
A great battle in Dearborn raged for days. Most of the Muslims in the community were killed during the battle. This included women and children since the Muslims put them in front of their homes while the men hid inside shooting it out with the freedom fighters.
The freedom fighters cannot worry themselves about collateral damage. This is just one small battle in the war for our survival.
Fonda was tied to the front door of a mosque where the last remaining Islamics were holed up. Her screams could be heard all over Dearborn as the patriots fought their way to the area. The freedom fighters told us that her screams were annoying the other Muslims and it interfered with their calls to prayer. So they finally decided she didn’t make a good human shield. The radicals untied her from the door, took her into the mosque, tortured her for days, and then beheaded her. They threw her body out of the mosque after they were finished with her, labeling her as the Great American Satan Witch.
The way this battle ended was the freedom fighters and the Islamists in the mosque decided they had reached a unified, desired achievement, that of killing Jane Fonda.
After negotiations as to who could have the body, the Islamists laid down their guns and joined forces with the freedom fighters stating that they now know what America was up against and their greatest sympathy was with us.
Fonda’s body was brought back to southwestern Ohio and laid to rest next to her great traitor friend, Jon F’n Kerry. No one bothered with an epitaph or a headstone.
…..to be continued